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Twisting all the bad things into good

Feb 18, 2013

THE BOOK of TANGENTS: The Last Time I Put Away My Toys

     
 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.
 1 Corinthians13:11 (New Living Translation)


        This was a tangent I went off on when I was writing about the Summer before 6th grade, my first Summer in Florida.


        A month later, we left on what my friends, cousins, and I expected would be an endless summer vacation.
        Everyone said I would love it.
        I fucking hated it. 

        I had no cousins and no friends to play sports with.
        My only new friends that super Summer were named Mario and Luigi.
        As much as I despise hurting animals, I did a lot of duck hunting.

        My dad flew one of my best friends, Scott,  from karate down to visit. He was a few years older, so I hid my precious G.I. Joe's before he arrived. 
        I was worried that I might be too old to play with action figures.
        "My men". 
        That's what I called them.
        At some point during that summer, I put my men away and never played with them again.
        It felt like a betrayal. It felt wrong. It still does.
        Because I didn't want to say good bye to them.
        Because I promised them and myself  I'd never leave them.
        No matter what, I'd always come back to them, and that someday, when I'm all grown up, I'd introduce them to my son when he was old enough to appreciate them, so he wouldn't break them.
        That way, they could live forever.

        I don't know if I cried when I put them away for the last time.
        Knowing me, I'm sure I did. 

        I know I cried when I wrote about it.

        I don't want to talk about it, okay?
        It still hurts too much to think about.
        Some things are just too much for me to take. 

        It might be the only thing I wouldn't talk about at a party.


        Some of them are in pieces, but I still have every one of them, still in the cases I carried them in wherever I went.

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